just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
