The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
