I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize