I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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