i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
