talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
