can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
