I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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