yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
