Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Come share oat with me in your robe
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
