You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
