When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize