Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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