i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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