Only a mothe r could love this liver
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
