I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
