that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
