needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
