i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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