thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Randomize
