I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
zippers are such a cool invention
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
