Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
last night I used snow as a chaser
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
