please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
