i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
