I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
