just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
