Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
