stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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