Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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