He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
