what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
