What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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