I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
