So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
