I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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