All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
