The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
