I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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