We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
