I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
