Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
