my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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