I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize