Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
