new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
