I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
