you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
