Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
