He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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