nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
