Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize