I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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