Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So much rum. So many feels.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
