My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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