OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
