did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize