I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Your penis caused this!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
