Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
