Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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