So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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